here we are again, it’s time for me to take a good look at how I love you and need to learn to love you more. the last time we spoke I realized I could fall in love with and trust you to deliver a baby into the world, and I was right.
there is only one word to describe how I truly feel about you at this point; PROUD. it’s so difficult to express what we experienced through our labor of love for Xander to be born, but you and I both know that you were absolutely incredible. I’m so sorry I ever doubted you and stayed up at night praying you would not disappoint me, I should have known that part of your design was to bring life into the world. even when we began the (quick!) adventure of laboring through the night, you took control and dealt with the pain in a remarkable way. just when i started to allow fear to take over and think that I couldn’t take the pain any longer, I was pleasantly surprised to know that you had done all the work that we needed to do, and you were ready. you knew just how to deliver my baby so gently and safely. you stretched to your limits and gave him a peaceful entry to his new life outside of my womb, and you didn’t even require an IV for extra support! I am so proud of you for giving me the gift of labor and delivery that I had been praying for. when I see Xander, I am reminded on how miraculous you are for creating a part of me and a part of the man my heart loves. we are amazed by the way you knit together and sustained such a tiny human being. you are my favorite artist.
i am still learning to coexist and love you in a new way, just one week and one day after you proved all my doubts and fears to be wrong. I trust you, you really do know exactly what you’re doing and what Xander and i both need. those itty bitty stretch marks that appeared only after your hard work of labor? Go ahead and wear them proud, you deserve them as a badge of honor. the extra pounds you are still carrying? Go ahead and keep them for as long as you need, you are in fact still recovering while at the same time still sustaining my babies life each and every day through the milk, warmth and comfort you naturally provide. ill promise not to get trapped into giving you a timeline of when i think they should be gone. i see now that you deserve the extra support for caring for an infant 24 hours everyday. there is much else that truly matters to me now.
although your eyes have never been held open for as many hours as they have in the past week, but each day you welcome the sight of my baby with a new ability to keep smiling. yes i’ve already had days that i wish we could just get up and go without being too sore or over tired from a simple trip to the grocery store, but then im reminded by your subtle clues that you have done me so well. you deserve as much rest as you need for a full recovery. im done pushing you past your limits. i promise to renew my gentle spirit each day, for your sake.
when I look at you in the mirror I now see your strength, your faithfulness and your incredible capacity to love beyond measure. for that, I owe it to you to love in return, to love you deeply and to be gentle to you as you continue to know exactly what to do. for all of this I am thankful, and I am proud. you have amazed me more in the past eight days of our knowing each other than ever before. I hope I never forget the pride I have for you right now. even when I don’t think you know what to do on your own, please prove me wrong, yet again.
I finally love you, dear body of mine.