reflections and anticipations

the last month of my pregnancy has been overwhelmed with mixed emotions, nesting, eating!, some pre/prodromal labor, lack of sleep, and…waiting. I think I should compile some reflections aboyt the process of growing another life and the anticipations that I have for when we finally meet. who knows of I’ll get another quiet moment before he arrives that I have the motivation to do this!

reflection on pregnancy:
I wish I had been more gentle on myself. i wish allowed myself to take time for leisurely walks rather than stressing about the need to exercise and ending up not doing it at all. and at the same time I wish I had not given myself a limit for my total weight gain goal. since when has it been the goal of pregnancy to gain as little weight as possible? I’ve been healthy and my body has done and gained what it needed to in order to sustain another life, end of story.

I wish I had used more sassy responses when people said things like “oh my god! you’re huge!!” just once I wished I used the ‘pregnant and sassy’ card to respond with something like, “thanks! so are you!” with a smile and not feel bad about it. or how about when people look at me and say, “still no baby?” maybe this weekend I’ll get the courage to respond with, “oh yea we had him a couple days ago, we didn’t announce it because its not a big deal. we didn’t feel like bringing him out either so we left him home alone. and this is obviously my post-partdum body”. the list is endless of the responses I have missed out on, I wish I had used them more to humor myself abbot the comments I’ve heard rather than getting upset in the moment.

I wish I never took a labor class. that’s an odd reflection, but it’s true. it stressed me out so much to watch videos of babies heads crowning, the visualization of that pain was probably something I could have lived without. maybe I’m just crazy, but we didn’t find the classes too helpful, especially because my husband decided to turn into a 12 year old and crack jokes the while time…doesn’t he know how serious this is?! 😉

I wish I had written in our baby’s journal more about my honest feelings of carrying him around 24/7 for nine months through work, school, stress and joy.

anticipations:

I can’t wait to count his tiny little alien fingers and toes!!

I can’t wait to see who he looks like and to announce his name to our family and friends.

I can’t wait to breastfeed and take are of his needs outside of my belly.

I can’t wait to say that I survived labor, and to know that he was worth it.

I can’t wait to sleep on my stomach!!! and for my body to start the healing process so we can eventually take him on adventures and I can wear normal clothes in public. all very selfish anticipations but so real.

here’s to our final countdown: we can’t wait to meet you baby, you are so loved already. I think we’re “ready” for you (whatever that means)

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